Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
