I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
