I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
