dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
