He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
