i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
