This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
