I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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