Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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