I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
