I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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