u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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