Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
