Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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