I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
