I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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