new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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