I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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