I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
