Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
