I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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