Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
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