The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
