No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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