My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
