dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
