if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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