the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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