My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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