I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
