I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
