If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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