No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
