mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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