I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
