So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
