put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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