you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
