I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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