the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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