He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
