I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
