New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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