Tell her she can't have a vagina
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
