Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
