You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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