Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
