new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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