I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
