Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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