I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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