this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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