took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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