Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
