did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
