Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
