I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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