The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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