she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need water and some morals
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