Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
