I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think my moral compass just broke
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