I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
