i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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