He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
