I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
