Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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