Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
