okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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