I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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