his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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